Feelin' Good...My Story Begins....

OK. I knew the when the intolerable had become tolerable, I was in trouble. I had to leave my emotionally abusive marriage if I was going to surivive and thrive. After 9 years of living on an organic farm, doing what I call organic slavery, working morning til nite....store, poppin' out babies with my husband--a loving, hippie, organic, controlling, spoiled-brat, farmer,genius, doing a CSA, farmers market, music forum, etc. fun people, just way too much...I was whithering. Our relationship was not in any way nurturing to our individual selves or eachother as a couple...we were way to busy....there was no time to do homeschooling which is what we were choosing for our kids who were running around wild (maybe that isn't such a bad thing!) I felt there was no time to emotionally connect with the kids or just hang out with them or play with them. I was distant from my oldest son from another relationship This tortured my heart. It was overwhelming and I was close to going down and becoming physically sick. I was tired and unhappy and worn out and everyone could see it....later after being away from the marriage for a few months, many many people would come and divulge how concerned they were about me, how constantly exhausted I looked. We took a vow to live in lack and volunteer poverty. We took an unspoken vow that is. I amalgomated to what was required to live in that setting. Work till you drop. Steven's favorite saying was 'man finishes house, man dies...' he was not going to quit beating his body into the ground anytime soon and at 55, he was crumbling...curved back and a slew of health problems. Self nurturing was viewed as selfish and therefore, unacceptable. This was truly an unsustainable lifestyle and I had to get out of there....and I had to show my kids that there was a healthier way to live that didn't include rage attacks and stressful workaholic endless days, shame and blame....organic slavery with a twist...

All I know is that my ideas weren't respected, I wasn't respected...I was there to work my ass off, cook, clean, be a depository for his semen (pardon the graphic imagery...but that is what I felt like), and jump to whatever he wanted at any given time. I allowed all this to happen...I own my part...I allowed him to get away with all of this for many reasons--I didn't set appropriate boundaries in the beginning about what I needed in the relationship because of my own insecurities and victim and abandonment issues. I got trampled, walked all over and felt incredibly not in control of creating my life. I WAS ALLOWING my life to pass me by...yuck!

My guts and heart were screaming out that this wasn't right, that there was indeed something more, that my kids were missing out on being calm and happy kids, that they deserved safety and love and peace and calm minus yelling and stress and abusive words and shame and blame.

IN mid June of 2005, I signed a lease on a house in town not clear of where my income was coming from...all I knew is that I loved myself a little bit more that day and it was time to leave that organic slavery scenario for good...for the sake my emotional, physical, spiritual and financial well-being and that of my kids. Three days later an offer from Dawn at the coffee shop came to me to open a health food store next to her business. I have been in the organic health food world business off and on for 25 years...I know the business, I know the products, I could do this. I love organic food and I love feeding my kids organic food...this was the perfect opportunity. I had actually been visualizing it for a whole 2 years prior as a way to support myself and my kids. The concept was becoming a reality and falling right into my lap I was attracting what I desired .... I was in the midst of repeating a mantra that seemed to stave off fear from moving forward...' trust the Universe'...and things indeed started to flow..I moved into the house July 1st, 2005. And then the .money came in...$40,000 over 3 months for store start up came in all sorts of ways...personal loans from all sorts of people, friends, family and complete strangers. A new customer wrote me a check for $21,000 on a handshake that I would pay monthly payments overyears! I knew I was in the flow, manifesting was happening and fast. Aug 31 was the first day of school and the day I opened the store, HOpe's Harvest whoooo hooooo ...Somehow I mustered up the courage to do all of that...I had a lot of support along the way.
Trust the Universe...I said this over and over again...

I trusted the Universe. And without hesitation, the Universe came forward and provided me what I desired. As the Universe expands, we all do...it is time to do something new and take this to the next level...the internet...share my story, share my knowledge, share how to leave victimhood behind and find your inner power as a woman...how exciting is that? I realize I am in charge of creating my life and it is possible to raise my four kids--ages 16, 10, 9, and 7 on my own. I am sitting in my lawn chair out on the deck, September 9, 2007, drinking a Summit India Pale Ale....relaxing knowing that I am creating my portable empire right now and will continue to do so on a daily basis. The sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, it is truly a beautiful day. Ebook ideas abound, life is glorious. I am going to be very good at selling my books with my copywriting...I will go to Internet Marketing seminars...I will be raw and original and creative and me...lots of videos, interviews, health tips, newsletters, blog, photos...it is time to get creative and be an intelligent, single mom, writer, food store owner, internet marketer and have lots of fun with it! I love the idea of promoting feeling good by feeling good and looking good from the inside out...I love the idea of promoting the latest cutting edge ways to eat, the superfoods, super greens, super fruits and supplements to take to stay in LOA alignment on a physical level so that your emotional, spiritual, financial, physical, relationship and work pieces all align.

I used to think because of familial programming, that deep down in an insecure place within me, that a man would provide all of the above....that a man would take care of me and save me...I found comfort in that. Yuck! My grandma went through four husbands to have her needs continual met financially...my mom broke that cycle when she divorced my dad and proceded to support herself....and now I too am looking at my life at 43, a divorced mother of four and realizing I truly am the creator of my world...everything I choose to do is because I made a decision....I have four children. I rent a house that is for sale right now. At any point, we may have to move. I own a health food store in a small tourist town in MN that sustains it self...but I'm also working 7 days a week...with two women working for me, it still doesn't leave much time for me to have fun with my kids or do my own thing. Something has got to shift. This I know to be true. When Pat OBryan and Joe Vitale did a whirlwind marketing extravaganza, I without hestitation bought the book on Amazon...it did feel hypnotic the way I ordered it....their expert marketing skills worked on me...it was like I was in a trance, just like Pat talks about...there was no question, of course I was going to buy that book. I admit it, I desire financial security, freedom and basically wealth. I can't rely on it coming to me via the lottery or some other easy money way. I must gather up all my creativity, intellect and skills and create my portable empire. How am I going to do that?
I am going to reveal my process of creating wealth....by revealing moment by moment what I do on a daily basis to live a life that is truly one of my own creation. My ebooks, newsletters and blogs are going to share daily, weekly, bimonthly and when ever I feel so moved, what the heck I am doing to apply the principles so clearly laid out by Pat O'Bryan. I will also share my knowledge and wisdom on how to everyday wake up happy, and feel robustly healthy, intensely wealthy and divinely wise. Women are afterall very powerful creatures. I am going to show all of you my power, my approach to single parenting, my focus on staying happy moment by moment, my take on living in the 'goldzone,' ....creative, fun, intuitive, nurturing and continually happy. I will reveal all of my health tricks...what I do to stay robustly healthy, trim, high energy, upbeat, grounded...I will share with you the most current health and wellness trends, what people are doing to keep their bodies in balance, alkalanized, cancer free and fit as a 20 year old. I will share secrets on how to look on the outside how you feel on the inside and how to feel really fantastically good from the inside out. I have tips on how to increase your energy level, stamina, how to eliminate PMS from your life as well as menopausal symptoms like hotflashes, ideas on how to increase your libido, how to sleep like a baby every nite, how to have vibrant and glowing skin , how to have a beautiful body from the inside out. I will teach my techniques for owning a brick and motor health food store in a small tourist town and how I sell what I sell successfully every day and keep my customers coming back. I am here to feel good and to send you good vibes so that you can feel good everyday all day....we are, afterall, responsible for our own happiness.

I'm going to go clean out the produce cooler in my store...more to come!
Love,
Susan
aka...siouxz from Lake City!